how to respond to a condescending remark

Ignoring the perpetrator is often the best approach. Standards on what is appropriate for the workplace can vary depending on your workplace culture, but there are some types of comments that most people consider inappropriate. Those who start off as aggressive or quasi-charming usually turn things around and play victim as soon as things dont go the way they want them to. 1. Examples of condescending behavior It's not always easy to spot underhanded comments. You might not be able to control how other people behave toward you, but you can absolutely control your responses to them. People who are condescending use "emotional blackmail" to make others bow to their wishes. You have to understand that your bosss condescended behavior is not about you. She knew they were going to let her go. They may believe their life experience gives them insights and abilities that their peers dont share. If someone steps on your toes, tell them. Scenario 1: It's you and the salesclerk. In addition to being mocked or pitied, being ignored is anathema to the condescending. Victim symptom makes you stay in the role of being powerless, and insecure all the time. Expect it and ignore it. Is there something I can help you with?. Don't take it personally (even when it's meant to be personal). This kind of situation is particularly heinous in families, as children end up feeling disrespected and unseen by their parents. As mentioned, many condescending people have an overblown sense of their own superiority. The most important thing here is for you to behave with far more grace, dignity, and integrity than they are capable of exhibiting. How to Deal With a Condescending Boss As such, theyll imply that others are somehow being hysterical or otherwise emotionally unbalanced. Don't take the bait. NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington and author of seven books. Many people are cowards, so maintaining an air of strength, power, and confidence will prevent most of them from giving you a hard time. These people need to know they're not important enough for you to pay attention to. You don't want to cast out darkness with more darkness. When you build a better team with your boss, you thrive harder together. If the person responds by repeating the same or similar comment, then perhaps say privately if possible, This really confuses me, or This is actually kind of hurtful to me and I wonder if you realize it, or are you just being funny-sarcastic? Here, have a breath mint. Look them in the eye when you are communicating with them. When everything else fails, nod and grin. The most effective way to deal with such bosses is not buying into their sense of importance. So whats pleasant or comfortable to one person might be construed as insulting or damaging to another. Related: 10 Tips for Getting Along With Coworkers. I wouldnt suggest giving a taste of his own medicine, as there are those that really just dont understand what they sound like. Take a moment to communicate appreciation with an encouraging note, surprising someone with their favorite snack, helping someone meet a deadline, taking a quick walk with colleague to catch up, or even just tossing a high five someones way when they accomplish something. This simply reinforces how pathetic they are. Find ways to nurture your inner reserves and gain perspective. 18 signs of a condescending person (and how to deal with them) Also suggest that he/she is never in the presence of this person without someone else around to witness the situation. Condescension in the Ranks: How to Handle Snide Remarks at Work One of the worst things you can do when dealing with condescending people is to lose your composure with them. In some situations, a condescending remark is the result of the person being under extreme stress, and the comment slips out in an impatient moment. Please bless us with your insight, oh Great One! If youre walking toward each other, make eye contact then abruptly turn away and take another route. This may include putting down anyone whom they consider to be a potential threat. Its important to note here that theyll only try to do so if they feel that the other person isnt an actual threat to them. A person who is condescending in their comments toward others often: 1) wants to win the discussion, usually by squelching any dissent, 2) uses the situation to boost their own self-esteem by tearing down another person, 3) likes the power rush that comes from being the one who determines the best idea. The old adage "stink like sweat when hot, urine when sick" applies to people as well as objects. You are not obligated to be around anyone who doesnt respect you. They assume they know more than you and should enlighten you. Some people simply arent worth the time and emotional effort necessary to work through your issues with them. Once your success game is strong, you can spend your time at work happier and more fulfilling. If you suspect someone is trying to make you feel small, insecure, or unworthy, say something. 1. Condescension is used in an attempt to fill the perceived gaps in their lives. People who condescend others think they are the smartest people in the room. At this point, stand your ground and reiterate the titles that you will accept in a work environment. 3: Be modest and avoid overcompensation. Be willing to accept feedback that you may have a growth area of your own. For example, lets say youre in a meeting that Dan has been dominating. He immediately feels inferior, and thus has to put you down in order to puff himself back up again. Even if someone tries to hurt your feelings with words or actions, keep in mind that they are just doing so because they care about you. A lot of people respond to unpleasant experiences by being offended, but keep in mind that taking offense is a choice. Manage Settings 3. Be clear about what you mean. In fact, many historians believe that is exactly why the king grew so unpopular - he was deemed not worthy of respect as a ruler because of his lack of interest in helping those who served him. Be respectful and dont gang up, but make it clear they are problematic. They might get belligerent and demand to know why you dared to interrupt them. Snide comments can be about the person's performance, such as their quality of work or how much work they do, or it can be a personal attack about their looks, behavior or other details. Being truthful is essential if you wish to cope with the circumstance. But the Associations methodstoo often elitist, Even more than the works on paper dazzlingly complex compositions produced on a plotter the interaction Molnr pioneered represented a way in which to live with technology that was neither subservient nor, Post the Definition of condescend to Facebook, Share the Definition of condescend on Twitter, Palter, Dissemble, and Other Words for Lying, Skunk, Bayou, and Other Words with Native American Origins, Words For Things You Didn't Know Have Names, Vol. If you do, you should consider setting some boundaries and teaching people how to treat you. Speak clearly and articulately, while maintaining eye contact. Your critical colleague may not be receptive to hearing your belief that they communicated inappropriately. Bosses keep on changing as you promote to a newer and better job. Your company legally should be following up on all complaints to avoid a law suit. When your boss is trying to belittle you, he is trying to expand and elevate himself. condescending: [adjective] showing or characterized by a patronizing or superior attitude toward others. Do not allow anyone else to take control of you. The second reason for the hate is the realization that you are rejecting their control over you. Do you see? If possible, explore the potential lessons you can learn that could be embedded in their comment, and counter their negativity with some positives. In most cases, condescending people are deeply insecure. Never engage in name-calling or other forms of emotional violence because it will only serve to hurt you both in the long run. I have profound knowledge in writing articles. Teach them a lesson. I unfortunately used to work with someone who used to do that and did not realize she was doing it. 5. Counting to 10 before responding back to your condescending boss lets you think what to say. What finally slowed it down (it never stopped) was others directly confronting her immediately as the comment was made, such as, What do you mean by saying _________? or Am I understanding you correctly? Then they became embarrassed when they discovered she was older than they were. Continue with Recommended Cookies, Be truthful. Or you can simply walk away. When dealing with a condescending person, the best approach is to consider why theyre being that way. Don't be condescending to unskilled labor. Be professional. How do you respond to condescending remarks? Posted by: Christy | November 02, 2007 at 03:48 PM. The words condescending and patronizing present a fine example of this. Posted by: Ann | November 06, 2007 at 11:22 PM, I agree with Mark and most of the other comments, but confronting the person right after the comment is made such as what did you just say, could you repeat that?. Step 1: Stay Calm. All rights reserved. Confidence and Self worth are terrible things to lose and its so hard to get it back. How To Handle A Condescending Client - Law360 If you are trying to deal with your bosss negative behavior with the same negativity, you are wrong. Mockery or pity are the worst things in the world for condescending people, as those behaviors reinforce their insecurity. Don't blame others for their actions. Don't wait for forgiveness - never accept an apology from someone who has offended you. Document Everything. If you really want to have some fun, throw in a few comments like thank you, your highness!. While someone with a negative attitude may feel ashamed of themselves and believe that no one should trust them or like them, no matter how hard they try to change this fact. Posted by: M. | November 09, 2007 at 09:12 PM. This may enrage them, and they might switch from condescension to downright abuse. Who knows, she may have other complaints against her. Handle A Condescending Coworker In 10 Ways | TheBalanceWork 1. They make others feel inferior but dont care. I loved my old job and lost it to a bully boss. Doing this will make him realize that you are a useful asset he got in the firm. Simply defined, it's about making someone else feel foolish in return for a small stroke to your ego, which eventually leaves people feeling bad. It suggests that there may be some truth in the. Get to the root cause of the problem and deal with it. Posted by: Lisa | November 02, 2007 at 04:40 PM. On the other hand, you are the first person he laid eyes on after the bad incident in his day and couldnt help to vent. I loved the tip about considering if there are elements of truth to what they are speaking about! To become a VIP, go to danoconnortraining.com/storeIn this free online communication video on how to respond to condescending remarks, world-renowned communication skills expert, Communication Coach Dan O'Connor shows you how to use clarifying statements followed by a tag question to shine a spotlight on the \"condescender\" and his/her true intentions. It can be so tough to lower expectations of folks like this, especially in the workplace, but I think you summed it up perfectly about weighing the cost of what replying in-kind could result in as far as additional conflict goes. She was emotionally and mentally abusive, and she had physically lashed out several times over the years, including once toward me. Youre making yourself look pretty insecure right now. The High Road: How to Respond to Rude Comments - Psych Central How to respond to a rude email professionally - Pumble We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. 3) likes the power rush that comes from being the one who determines the best idea. Not honey or sweetie. I didnt invite you to address me by a pet name, nor do I consent to you doing so. How an Identity-Centric Strategy Can Drive Government Security, Go for the Goal: Setting Professional and Collaborative Objectives, Ask to speak to them in private (to keep the situation between the two of you), Enter the conversation with an attitude of establishing a healthy relationship between you, not proving the person to be in the wrong. A Foolproof Guide For Handling Condescending Coworkers Condescending people love to tout their connections and accomplishments. Once you've done that, you have a few options on how to proceed. Understand the fact that you are not responsible for their behavior. How To Deal With A Condescending Boss? This employee must have a manager that he/she does directly report to and, thus, he/she should be talking to their next in command about the situation. Your condescending bosses are constantly tempting to have you feel less. Condescension in the Ranks: How to Handle Snide Remarks at Work - The Muse Posted by: Pat | November 16, 2007 at 03:05 PM. Secondly, such people have no tools to operate in any other way. They may even go as far as to say that some people aren't capable of learning new things or changing certain habits. Learn a new word every day. Abusive parents or siblings generally pick on the chihuahua of their litter, not the mastiff. This behavior usually pops up when the person doesnt have a strong argument or evidence to back up what theyre saying. She knows all about love and relationships, from heartbreak to happily-ever-afters. "When we respond out of. If you have access to a computer, search for resources to teach you to appropriately deal with negative behavior. Maintain a professional demeanor. How To Identify and Address Inappropriate Comments at Work Remember that those who are condescending toward you are usually terribly unhappy and insecure to the core. He has had several reports lodged against him regarding this. Does anyone have a travel arrangement form. Posted by: Minneapolis | November 09, 2007 at 05:11 PM. They cant raise themselves up properly, so they try to cut others down. If you have a good idea or a creative solution, they'll hardly even pay attention. "Mind lowering the attitude?" Do not allow yourself to take their misery on board with yourself. Business Etiquette: How to Handle an Offensive Remark

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